Thursday, August 18, 2005
arhh....had flu for the past few days....... true feeling.....not gd at all.....keep breaking out in cold sweat...no fun at all....and its miserable....haiz......tmr going range...how to shoot.......somemore tmr tough dae......outfield.... arh......long time no go le.....ahaha.....
lots of stuff to cover in camp....need to come up with procedures procedures n procedures......sept got new in charge again.....new boss.......arh..... well......hope the new boss will be a better boss.... don no y.....nw current boss keep asking mi to do stuff......jus like the old boss......hmm......perhaps i m their best soldier??? wahahaha
sept new boss n another thing......need to run the 21km marathon.....but i running 6km or 12km onli......whaha cos i m still a so called new soldier.....haven 1 yr in service......shiok......relac.....hahaa......think can make it ba..... hahaaha......relac all the way.....
hmm........nw then truely knw i belong to a dept call SOTAC.....haha....still under commandos......but a unit under them......special operation tatics centre.....chio right.....wooh......hahahahahaa......
OnCe UpOn A tImE, i BeLiEvE... 1:11 PM;
Thursday, August 11, 2005
todae is SAF family dae.....staying at home to relac...... i don no wat is wrong with myself...... like lost within myself n in a delimma......don no wat to do....don no wat to do next...... confusion is taking place.....wat is wrong with mi...... or shall i sae.......wat is wrong with my thinking...... or shall i sae......is my thinking right????
i m veri shameful of myself.... i realli don no how to go ard caring for loved ones..... should i show my care n concern from the bottem of my heart? or should i care by caring by wat the other party wans from my caring... i not sure..... truth can be a lie.......a lie can be the truth.....the margin between them is veri narrow... who can differentiate or distinguish? nobody knws i supposed..... or i jus deceiving myself??? i not sure..... the future is not as bright as it is supposed to be...... my life doesnt seemed as interesting as i perceived.... i think i got a problem with myself n i don no how to solve it...... wat shall i do??
todae is a special dae......done a lot of thinking.....n somehow.....i lost n confused within myself....... i feel that i'm right n i'm wrong.......who can tell mi the verdict?? nobody n i mean nobody..... wat exactly is happiness?? this word seemed distant from mi....... i don no y......problems popped up madness in my life.......family problems.......relationship problems surfacing.... all this is taking a toll on mi.......i can take it....but how can i handle it?? feel like running away......run as fast as i could......how far can i run......the track somehow will end.......n i had to solve it......jus a matter of time.......doesnt make a difference..... but the problem is...... am i dare to do it??? n can i do it........its jus mentally thinking..... things will just keep going ard in a cycle...resurfacing time n time again...... arhh........
i feel i m jus depressed.......feel like going back to the same old mi.......nerd to the max......stay home n keep things to myself in my own world..... in my own world there is jus mi myself and i........ anywae.....i don dare to go out face the real world outside......i don no y.......i will feel ashame.......which i cant explain......or simply to sae.....i don have the guts to go out alone n i am scared to be alone......name mi a bloody chicken or sae mi crazy...... i cant even distinguish myself....... feel like wanting to find my real me......who m i??? wat is the real mi??? i don no...... i think my character sucks...... everyone saes i m a nice guy......ya.....put it this way...... but if i were to name it in a rude n unfriendly manner.....i m jus a nerdy person...... i always put others b4 mi... think for others.....care for my frens...... n don dare to stand up for myself as i don wan to spoilt the friendship... n i am taken for granted at times..... i m jus a softspoken guy.....a soft n weak person..... others will sae zhenrui is a super nice guy.....but deep dwn inside.....this type of character wont get to survive in the real cunning competitive world...... shall i shaped myself up? or i await for the world to shape mi up??
choices n choices........ decisions need to be made n life has to go on......animals need to breathe.....n plants need to do their photosyzethsis to provide air for us complicating humans....... wat am i supposed to do nw realli?? i don no.......my road is neverending......no destination......no purpose.... i am jus an empty shell..... an empty pathetic xu zhenrui........
OnCe UpOn A tImE, i BeLiEvE... 2:15 AM;
Friday, August 05, 2005
new ssm is here!!! actualli he came yesterdae.....haha...ok la....he not bad.....quite a nice n reasonable person... past few days realli a lot of stuff happened...don no y......i also don no.....yesterdae went find the old ssm..... cos other unit having exercise and a lot of majors book in.....guardroom nv receive any news at all and of cos we ask them to book in.....in the end we kanna fuck big time....sianz.....then damn flare up n went to find ssm to complain big time......n ssm came dwn......n i told him all the problems we had........wooh.......big problems man.....not fun......n worse of all MSD people came in.......fuck......
todae.......things doesnt seemed better.....tat fat bastard MC again.....n tmr also.........CB.....jus a flu take 3 days MC......think the new ssm a bit don like tat suck cock fellow.....todae supposed to be him doing duty.....but the old ssm didnt find replacement...in the end.....one of our guys do on his behalf.....cos new ssm like desperately finding replacement......n best of all..... he agreed to giv 1 day off....but my fren didnt take it.....wooh... todae...... a whole lot of MP came to do spot check....wa......u should see the situation.....realli a lot.....n impressive......haha...n sianz.....todae big rain.....fuck.......yesterdae n todae.....
todae also went back hendon.....see see ard.....n ssm show us his badges n metals he collected.....realli alot...... he went to alot of operations....courses........wow......think uniform nowhere to hang the medals sia.....haahah....
ssm also inspect the guardroom.......n implement alot of new stuff........which i think i veri gd....cos our camp doesnt have a standard procedure.....so anithing happen......sure don no 1......n its gd....save alot of future unnecessary trouble... gonna help him to set everything right......old ssm nv bother such stuff... n its time to settle it once n for all......even though its alot of hard work.....i m willing to do it....haha....
OnCe UpOn A tImE, i BeLiEvE... 11:20 AM;
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
1 week didnt update the blog le.....haha.... i m so lazy.....nah.....last week busy with stuff...as usual.....guard duties plus went out with dear.....keke.... this coming sat guard duty.....so sianz......think guardroom gonna have politics....that fat bastard keep giving stunts...... giv my fren extra duties.......thought he is a big fuck n have power....think he not going to last long...... everyone is so pissed up with him.....
todae SSM left at 2++......when he left.....he gave mi a big smile......hmm.....thought he was laughing at my silly face.......but................. this time he is leaving for gd......tmr new SSM coming.....abit sad....... cos he quite gd...... but onli a bit stingy in giving off......... n sometimes unreasonable.....but overall hes not bad....as compared to my combat engineer days.... wonder how the new SSM is like......n how that fat bastard go ard sucking his cock...eeeeeeeeeee.......
todae guardroom left 5 people onli.....the rest go for leave.....hmm...should have knew something was not right...so mani go for leave n SSM approved without a blink of the eye.... well....... don no ba........ tmr shall see how......
OnCe UpOn A tImE, i BeLiEvE... 11:59 AM;
